May 27, 2012
The Great Weigh In ~ Week 11
5/27/12 ~ 222.0
-.04 lbs
10lbs lost total (still.)
I have to be honest and say I am discouraged. My calorie intake goal says a weekly loss of 1.9 lbs. That is obviously not happening. I eat about the same things everyday. Green Monster Spinach Smoothie for breakfast, a salad or small sandwich thin sandwich for lunch (this week I have been eating salads) and a normal but portion controlled dinner. Typically a meat, potato or rice and veggies this week. And I have literally given Sean all my carby sides this week and only thave like two bites. And I even cut down on my 90 calorie snacking too. *sigh*
We also moved up to level 2 on 30 Day Shred. Holy hell its hard. Not the cardio, although that’s no joke either and still leaves me gasping. But the strength exercises are killer! I have never had much strength. When I was skinny I had no muscles whatsoever. I feel them getting stronger. Especially my arms and whatever muscles do squats and lunges. Just talking about the workouts makes me feel better already about the lack of scale movement. I have to listen to my body, not the scale, right?
Guilty moment of the week: I had a 22 oz beer while waiting for Lilly to be groomed. It was delicious. And after a very busy work day it was a perfect way to end the day. BUT, the chips and salsa? Could have done without those! Although with not eating dinner, all that beer would have made me tipsy, so I needed something! ( <–see that justification, I am good at that. Its also my downfall)
Proud moment of the week: when I was feeling sick I didn't gite in to comfort food. I drank more water, some oj and went to bed early. And! The next night I was still feeling crappy and I worked out anyways. I had lots of reasons not to but I pushed through. I think it helped me. I felt better afterwards that's fos sure. Also, TMI about my body but my little stomach pooch typically has a fold right above my c section scar and I can never see it. Uhmm… I can see it!! My mom pooch isn't fotded! I mean, its still not flat but not being able to store a pencil in there because it can't hold it, that is amazing! (Ever heard of the pencil test? When I was young and getting boobs I used to put a pencil under them to see how much they were growing. When the pencil would stay, I was sooo happy! Hey, I was a late bloomer)
Thoughts for next week: trying to stay positive. At least I am not gaining right?! These miniscule changes to my body must mean I am going good, right?
May 23, 2012
The Morning After
I have never wanted to cry during workout before. Wanted to pass out or throw up? Yeah, been there.
Jillian Michaels 30 Day Shred Level 2 = ohmyfuckinggod
Its not the cardio, its not the ab work that gets me. The strength exercises though, holy shit. My arms and shoulders were screaming. I think I whined, definitely swore and just wanted to die. I mean the bish says “I want you to feel like you are going to die”. You have succeeded Jillian, you vile wretch.
Last night I went to bed with my whole body aching. Shoulders, arms, abs, knees, obliques, butt, legs…ok, you get it…MY WHOLE BODY.
This morning I woke up feeling stronger. Sure a bit achy still, but definitely stronger.
It feels really really good! 
May 22, 2012
Healthy Competition
Sometimes we need to motivate ourselves to do shit we don’t want to do.
Healthy Competition can definitely be a good way to get through the terribly mundane parts of life, in my opinion.
Example:
Tonight Sean stated “I bet I can smoke a ciggarette, empty the dishwasher AND reload it before you wash all the bottles.”
My response: “I accept your challenge, Mr. Reid!” And yes, I say it like a game show host should say it of course.
Now I hate doing both of these things so the fact that Sean is 1. Volunteering to help 2. Making it silly and fun makes it sooo much more bearable. Two grumpy people doing kitchen work = no fun. Just one of us doing ALL the kitchen work = resentment. Teamwork FTW!
Another example of healthy competition is at work. My coworker and I will have a post closing day where we just bang out title policies and do all the awful tedious and time consuming part of our jobs as real estate paralegals. Post Closing is the pits. Especially when busy, it can seem like the least important thing we should be working on. So we try to do all our policys, send out our mailings, 1099′s and organizing the file and get them off our desk in one day. Then we compare our mail piles and our filing piles and feel glorious to have it done! And! When we tear off the current month on our blotters we compare and have a contest as to who had the most closings that month. Of course we don’t actually have control over what closes when, but every little thing to get through the crazy busy times helps!
I don’t think I have an actual point, just sharing my observations of what gets me through the stuff I really don’t feel like doing.
Oh, and I OF COURSE won that competition tonight with Sean and I *may* have done a victory dance around the kitchen chanting “I am the CHAMPION! I have CONQUERED!” Hehe 
May 20, 2012
The Great Weigh In ~ Week 10
5/20/12 ~ 222.4
+.06
I am not surprised or discouraged. Although it seems like everytime I get back to losing on the scale I go backwards again. BUT! I am super bloated yesterday and today. TMI but I am expecting my Aunt to visit any moment now, lol. That evil wretch! I tried to counteract the bloat by guzzling a ton of water yesterday but there was just no undoing her evil-ness!
Guilty moment: I had a coke yesterday. And I bought take out lunch a couple of times last week. Although I made pretty good choices, I think I feel more guilty about wasting money, haha!
Proud moment: when getting said coke yesterday AT MCDONALDS drive thru, I did not get anything else. I didn’t even consider it. Ok, that’s a lie, I considered it but then dismissed it immediately. Another proud moment, while at my sisters yesterday she was holding Elena and lifting her up and playing with her and she finally had to give her to me because she could barely feel her arms. My super buff sister who wakes at 4am everyday to go to the gym got tired arms from my heffalump?! SWEET! It just makes me feel good that I hold her all the time and play so I must be working my arms while doing it too!! I mean last time we weighed her she was 19 lbs!
Thoughts for next week: I want to work out more, only did 3 days last week, 4 days feels much better!
May 16, 2012
sometimes I wonder…
Don’t get me wrong. My husband is a wonderful daddy and there are plenty of times I say shit that makes no sense. But sometimes I wonder and can’t help but shake my head.
Today’s examples:
Me coming home from work after he had the baby all day:
Me: How was Elena all day?
Sean: *shrugs* she slept most of the day….
About an hour later she is fussing and he says “she has been cranky all day”
I wonder to myself: I thought she was sleeping all day? How was she cranky AND sleeping all day?!
Sometime around the first conversation:
Me: what did she have for lunch today.
Sean: she didn’t have lunch
Me: you know she eats lunch now, right?
Sean: oh
I wonder to myself: you do realize that she will be eating at least 3 times a day soon, RIGHT?!
I used to think I didn’t have an internal censor. I have discovered that I do. As a mommy I have learned to bite my tongue A LOT. My way is not the right way all the time. Especially when considering my husbands feelings and his role as daddy into the equation. I have learned not to be a schedule drill sargeant, not to be a nag, to try to be more flexible and patient. I say I have learned them but in reality I am still learning.
So when Elena falls over on Sean’s work counter when I am watching her and gets a papercut under her eye and the first words out of Sean’s mouth are “what did YOU do?” I may have to remind him that he is not perfect either, haha!
P.S. and no, my husband did not neglect Elena by not feeding her lunch, her solids diet right now is purely “extra” and “practice” on eating food since she is getting her nutritional needs from the mass quantities of formula she drinks all day. I just had to throw that out there for some reason!
May 15, 2012
Small Victories
Nine weeks into my healthier living and attempt at losing weight the numbers don’t add up as quickly as some people may think they should. (I have been told the heavier you are, you lose a lot of weight at first) uhm…I don’t have results like that. I am ok with that. Anyways, I find other things that remind me of my progress and improvement. Small victories!
This weekend I put on my skinny jeans. Let me clarify, I have different levels of skinny jeans. These ones are the not so scary ones. I loved them, they weren’t very stretchy and I have had them forever and have been washed and dried a lot. They are size 18. Now a thing that I find weird. These Old Navy size 18 jeans are tight from say 7 yrs ago. Now if I put on a size 16 old navy newer jeans they are starting to fall down and get saggy butt at the end of the day. My theory is that jeans now a days just have a lot more stretch than they used to. Any other ideas to go with my theory? Anyways, I babble.
I put them ON! Did I have a bit of muffin top for the first hour of the day before I worked them in? Sure! But I am also carrying around an 8mth old baby so I could give two fucks if I have some muffin top! (Btw, I never had muffin top before baby no matter how big I was, my fat was SOLID!) <–lolz
Today I was experiencing a new complication at work today. My undies kept falling down. And with my light gray dress pants, you could see them creeping down my ass. Good thing no one looks at my ass all day.
So after showering I put on my sexy panties. (TMI Alert!) The Victoria Secret lacy ones. AND! They felt good! They felt sexy. They felt like panties that are 2 for $30 should feel! Hehe I boughta bunch of these hott little numbers right before getting knocked up that haven't really been able to wear them. They were not having the effect I was aiming for. Maybe because my ass was eating them. Sexy imagery huh? You're Welcome. 
)
Small Victories!!
May 13, 2012
The Great Weigh In~ Week 9
5/13/12 ~221.8 lbs
-2.2 lbs
-10.2 lbs so far!
Woot woot! I have to say, I had my doubts. I had a beer last night so I thought that might derail me at weigh in. Glad it didn’t. And if it did, I wouldn’t have cared because it was delicious. This week Crystal and I started 30 day shred by Jillian Michaels. Ohmygod is it hard! But after 4 days it seems to be getting manageable now. I don’t feel like throwing up or dying during it. So that’s good. Time to go to level two, haha. I needed this. What I was doing befre was starting to feel stagnant. This pushes me. And! Its only 20 mins. 20 mins of hell, yes but I can go home afterwards and get housework and have time to read again. Before I would go to Crystals for 7:30 and not leave until 9pm. We dilly dally and get sidetracked and take our time. This workout is quick and effective!
Guilty Moment: McDonalds. I had it on the way to the Cake concert Thursday night. I’d like to say I didn’t have a choice, but I could have made a sandwich for the road for a quick dinner. I would also like to say I enjoyed it, but honestly I didn’t. The salt alone was pretty gross. I did however love the coke. I’m a coke addict what can I say. But I haven’t wanted it since which is good because typically fast food to be is addicting as well. Have it once and I want it all the time. Maybe because I didn’t really want it in the first place. I only needed dinner, I wasn’t craving junk.
Proud moment: being exhausted Friday night, having many excuses to not workout, even having Crystal tell me we don’t have to and still push myself to workout for a fourth time that week. The thought of “its only 20 mins” really motivates me.
Thoughts for next week: more water!
May 6, 2012
The Great Weigh In ~ Week 8
5/6/12 ~ 224.0
-2 lbs since last week, 8 lbs so far. (almost back to where I was 2 weeks ago)
I have to say I was somewhat surprised. My mid-week weigh in my weight was higher than last weeks weigh in. Understandably after my birthday. Cheese fries, desserts, cake, brownies, strawberry sangria. Yeah, it was a good birthday, I’m not gonna lie. I worked out 3 times and went walking late last night. Crystal is a drill sergeant. She pushed me hard last night. I hated her and loved her all at the same time. But I felt so good afterwards.
Guilty moment: My birthday obviously. But I stopped beating myself up over it and just had a good time. Anndd.. one of my work afternoon trips to Dunkin I was hungry and I got a glazed stick. Worked it off afterwards, but it wasn’t worth it.
Proud moment: Conquering my chocolate/junk food cravings. I don’t think about brownies all the time anymore. Its addicting, the chocolate. A few days without it and I am ok again.
Lesson of the week: a foot long Italian BMT at subway is 900 calories!!!! Holy hell! I got subway after my hair appt yesterday but calculated it afterwards. Yikes! I mean it was ok because I walked and I didn’t eat breakfast (bad) BUT…it wasn’t a healthy choice, it didn’t seem worth 900 calories, if you know what I mean.
Thoughts of the week: I want to make more healthy choices. Not just counting calories and compensating with working out. I want to put more veggies and good stuff into my diet. Make those calories count more in the nutrition department. Make sense?
And of course…MORE WATER! I have slacked this week on water consumption.
May 1, 2012
The Sweetest Thing
I’m sliding, help! This damn slippery slope is no fun!
So, it was my birthday. I wasn’t going to splurge too bad. And I didn’t, sorta. (ya know besides blowing my calorie count for 2 days)
My problem is sweets. I lurvs them. Especially chocolate.
At my birthday dinner I had some Chocolate Thunder from Down Under (hehe, the name makes me giggle ) at Outback. Warm brownie, fudge sauce and ice cream. TO THE FACE! so good!
Then, last night. Sean got me a cupcake with a ladybug on it. It was white with white frosting. Pretty sickening sweet, honestly. No biggie. I liked the decor better than the cupcake. But he also brought home the most glorious brownies with fudge frosting on top that make me want to hurl because they were so good. SOOOOOOOO GLORIOUS. No words can describe the orgasm I had in my mouth.
Anyways! My point is! What did I fantasize about this afternoon at work? The damn brownie. I want it bad. If it was in front of me, I would eat it. No doubt about it. This is my weakness. This is my trigger. One day? ok, could have recovered from that. But two days of decadent chocolately desserts? Now I need to detox again. Its pretty much like a drug. I’m shaking with withdrawals, haha.
What I find odd is that I have 100 calorie fudge stripe cookies and Fiber One 90 calorie brownies. And I was afraid I would want more chocolately junk after working those into my lunches and I was just fine. I am thinking it’s because those were portioned. I don’t know. What I do know is I WANT A FRACKIN BROWNIE!!!
April 29, 2012
The Great Weigh In ~ Week 7
4/29/12~ 226.0
+3.2 lbs from last week.
I won’t be negative. I did enough of that yesterday. And after my meltdown yesterday, I don’t feel very negative anymore.
When I started this I said I wouldn’t be a slave to the scale right? RIGHT.
This week I worked out 4 times instead of 3. Pushed myself harder on the elliptical and went up a level in resistance. Added jumping jacks which used to hurt my knees so bad, I couldn’t do them. Yesterday I walked from my house to downtown/pawcatuck. When Crystal suggested it, I was like WHAT. walk? how far? Last time I walked to the park which is closer than where we walked yesterday it was hard. And my feet hurt. And my legs. Yesterday? Easy peasy. I was surprised. And very very happy. Also this week, my pants feel looser. in the belly, in the thighs. I feel less jiggly. I don’t know how to describe it, but when I started working out. Things got jiggly. My fat used to be nice and solid (LOL). When I started working out, it was like my muscles underneath were tightening and the fat was getting loose from it. It made me super self-conscious. Something I never experienced before. Sure I have been a big girl, but a squishy big girl? It’s a whole new horrifying world.
Guilty moment: Having three slices of pizza Friday night. Not really the pizza but the fact that I came home afterwards and Sean made me a breakfast sandwich and I ate that too, LOL. I also feel guilty for beating myself up yesterday. Ok, not guilty but like I learned a lesson there to.
Proud moment: ONLY having two shots of Jack Daniels last night. And drinking lots of water while everyone else was drinking beer. Even at my favorite place, The Malted Barley. I really wanted to drink up. But many things were telling me not to. The main one being the weigh in this morning, I already knew it would be higher, I didn’t want to make it worse. But also, I didn’t want to feel like crap today. It’s just not worth it anymore. Gone are the days of me being a boozer and out drinking everyone.
Thoughts for next week: Positive thoughts only. Listen to clothes and body, not the scale.
